some old stuff

tuesday, april 18, 2004

…it’s nearly 7:30am… i don’t even know how i ended up here but i’m here. i know i might have made mistakes in the past. i might have said some things i shouldn’t. i might have done something that wasn’t so honorable. i might have strayed a little from who i am. but i feel like that it was a process i had to go through to find out who else i can be. it was difficult for me to continue being that sheltered girl. i wanted to be the opposite of everything i was taught. in being so reckless, i didn’t mean to hurt or cause any sadness to anyone. i am sorry and i wish i could make things right again. i’m saying this now because now i know. now i have tasted pain. and just the taste of it is detrimental. i know now what it feels like to invest yourself whole heartily and be disappointed in the end. there is no sense in dwelling on anything and although i managed to forget most things in hopes to make things easier… i do remember kindness and i’m willing to repay it. and if i only crossed paths with you… i believe it is bound because i can’t bare to lose someone so significant in my life…